As I was walking today, like a spark that fired, I finally understood why I always feel so unmotivated at work. It is the lack of job satisfaction. I conduct experiments everyday, trying to make compounds that fail 90% of the time. If the stars decided to shine on me and I succeeded in making them, there is no 100% guarantee that they will be useful drugs. Okay, yes, fine, no one ever said research is easy. And as the name already suggest, THIS is the nature of the job. To fail a hundred and one times before tasting the sweetness of success. However, no matter how optimistic I tell myself to be, I can't help having self-doubts. I feel that I am not good enough for my job. I have so little knowledge and I feel restricted. I don't see how I am able to contribute and actually I'm not needed as well.

On a brighter note, perhaps I should be glad that I'm having such thoughts now because after all, I've given myself 1 year to decide on the path I'm going to take. Doctorate or change career path. Hopefully through these experiences and self-reflection, I'll be able to understand what kind of job I really love and not 'i don't mind doing'.